The blog has been silent for a while as I process something that happened last month. I didn’t want to write about it, but I find that by being silent on this one thing, I cannot find words to talk about anything else. By denying this one thing, I deny its impact on the rest of my life, and I stall and stutter.
For privacy, I still won’t elaborate on what happened, but I will say this: my family has suffered a loss. A deep, unexpected, personal loss.
This has been an unimaginably difficult summer, both physically and emotionally. I’ve been sick and tired – sicker than I’ve been in years. I’ve been listless and unfocused. It’s been unbearably hot and dry; we’ve spent more time indoors this summer than ever before. I feel cut off, isolated. I can’t help but look out the window at our sun-baked yard, brown and dead for weeks now, garden destroyed by the heat, and feel like it reflects my frame of mind – dried out, brittle.
There’s no life surrounding us. There’s no abundance, no green.
There seems to be no relief, no end to the blistering heat or the scratch of dead grass beneath our feet.
Our attempts to fight back fall flat. We water and nurture and still wake up the next morning to withered plants and dust.
This drought could not have come at a worse time. I need a cool breeze or a pop of color in the garden as I walk up the front steps. I need relief. I need nature’s reminder that life moves on and grows and changes. That we can always start again.
It’s coming, I know. As with all things, this won’t last forever. I just need change to hurry up a little.
And while this post is a bit dreary, please rest assured that I do have a support network and seek help as needed. I just had to get something out about what’s going on – hoping that this will get my writing back on track and break down the writer’s block.
For readers that come here to keep in touch about Rowenna, please rest assured that she is just fine. Healthy, happy, and the small, much-needed spark of light in our home.